Dinosaurs Driving Dump Trucks: They are Expensive (the dump trucks)
Posted: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
by Calvin Pstone
No Smoking 101
(Alanda is proof reading a "doomed" article in the book to her 7 year old son. . .)
Alanda's dark eyes and thin face focus . . . "Ok, where was I . . . oh yes, the ‘Twenty Five Percent Smoking Club'."
If your community had a child predator that was tempting and succeeding as seducing four out of five of your children into smoking cigarettes, you parents would stop at nothing to track down and destroy that individual. You would all band together to learn about your child's attacker and predict their MO, ‘Modus Operandi'. You would design special weapons to eradicate the evil from your homes, streets, and community. And you would do so right Now!
Well, in case some of you don't know, there is a real war on drugs-it's going on right now. Nicotine is a drug. War means not only fight the enemy, it also means, the enemy is fighting you. Those are cancer butts you hear zipping by and real cigarettes smoking away in those ashtrays.
Just like in the old black and white movies made during World War ll. Nicotine has spies everywhere. Nicotine is constantly tempting children to smoke. Underestimating your enemy will cause your child to lose against the constant assault Nicotine has in place, even as you read along here. Your avoiding its presence will give cigarettes space and time to win its objective; selling-your-child-for-money.
"Hmmm, what do you think of that, Nat?"
"Yes, I know cigarettes want me to smoke them. It's just something; ah I don't know how to say it. I just know they sort of whisper to me sometimes. My friend Carl says cigarettes are like ‘lizard snakes'. They bite you and then you want them to bite you again. Sort of stupid, huh?"
Nat questions, "What does Cal mean by, ‘Nicotine wants to sell me for money?' "
"Oh, cigarette money . . . well, son, money is very important to some people. I mean, we all need money to live and it's very important. But, some people want truck loads of money and then they want train car loads of it. They can't get enough and pretty soon they even murder people and just steal their money. Children are easier to kill than adults, and children, in the long run, are worth more money."
"If cigarette ads can get you to just smoke one cigarette and get their nicotine eggs into your brain, the chances of you becoming addicted are much better later on after your second cigarette. Your second cigarette will for sure nail-down your addiction. The nicotine crabs hatch from their teeny, tiny eggs in your brain. Then, tobacco companies get all your money-for free. You will gladly give cash, right out of your pocket to buy cigarettes, to stop the crabs in your head from crawling around. Crawling, scratching, and searching for food-more Nicotine! I'm dead serious, Nat."
"Here is what Cal means, Nat, if you start smoking cigarettes when you are 15 years old and you die of Cancer when you are 50 years old, you will have paid cash money to the tobacco companies to the tune of . . . are you ready, Nat . . . a pack a day, ten dollars a pack, 35 years of smoking, a new truck costs, $35,000.00 are you ready . . ."
"Come on Mom, how much money would the cigarette people sell me for?"
"They will today, sell your life for-$127,750.00. Hmmm, so Nat, you can buy over a hundred thousand dollars worth of cigarettes and get cancer or . . . you can buy 4 new pickup trucks and live 10 years longer to drive them around. Which do you want son . . . go ahead . . . take your time?"
"I'll take the tr . . ."
"No, Nat, this is an important life decision for you to make. Take your time and think it over real good. You said cigarettes are calling to you. Cigarettes or Trucks. We have lots of tim . . ."
"Oh Mom-you know what I am going to do. Thanks for explaining how the money part of smoking works. Smoking is so stupid. Keep reading. I like getting 4 trucks for reading Cal's story. He's pretty smart."
"Ok let's see ‘. . . –selling your child for money'." Alanda thinks to herself, "Good God Cal. . . What on Earth were you thinking? ‘Parents Magazine' is never going to go for this!"
Alanda keeps reading, her hopes for Cal's success quickly evaporating into thin, smoke free air.
Before birth, you should try to keep cigarette smoke away from your baby. Each introduction to smoke makes them more able to begin to build a tolerance to is stinking. Thus, you have the reason why children of smoking parents have a 50/50 chance of using cigarettes. You can implement ideas along the lines of Dr. Ivan Pavlov's experiment.
(NOTE: Once again, I apologize if you are a Children's Doctor, Reader. I know nothing about teaching infants to not smoke. I am not a doctor and haven't held an infant for forty years. I do though, know that the earlier a child is introduced to nicotine smoke, the sooner they will try a cigarette.)
Dr.Pavlov found that if you ring a bell each time your dog is eating, you can ring a bell when it isn't eating and the dog will salivate (drool) just like it was eating. Isn't that interesting?
So, using Dr. Pavlov's discovery, if you teach your baby to associate discomfort with cigarettes, you will plant the idea in their mind to not smoke.
If someone, by some odd chance, blows smoke by your baby, clap your hands loudly and this will teach the baby to associate cigarette smoking with the discomfort of loud sounds.
Between the ages of 2 and 3, you can begin to place "Association" items that teach the negative aspects of cigarettes. For instance, purchase serving dishes that look like big open cigarettes. When serving your child's portion of "Pabulum", you serve the normal Pabulum in a regular dish or bowl.
Then mix a little "Lima Bean" paste in their "Pabulum", careful not too much, you don't want to gag them, and serve it in the cigarette shaped dish. This will teach the child to hate the shape of cigarettes.
I give up . . . as you can see, Alanda I am never going to be able to write for Parents Magazine.
Alanda breaks out laughing out loud . . . (BOLOL), "Ahaaa, haaa, haaaa."
"What's so funny Mom? Mooomm . . . what are you laughing at?"
"Ah, Haaa, haaa, haa . . . Cal is so funny . . . he just gave up for now on writing his paper. I don't think he can write a seriously worded paper. His theories are sound, but he just can't put them across without going off the deep end. You did like the story though, didn't you Nat?"
"Yes, Mom, I like the way Cal writes. I'll break his leg and read anything he writes for me."
Nat scoots off the big chair and runs towards his toy box excitingly saying, "Carl, Carl, we get trucks . . . what color do you want yours to be?"
Carl replies, "Duh, ‘Olive Drab', dark ‘Olive Drab'".
Click Here for more about my book, No Smoking 101.
This Article has been viewed 293 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Amazing. . .the Internet, that is. . .I started my book, "No Smoking 101" years ago. I remember posting "Dinosaurs Driving Dump Trucks", part of my quit smoking adventure story, but it seems like it was just a few weeks ago. Time. . .the oddest of spirits. Well, and this is Michael Shone sr, alias, Calvin Pstone. Oh, the "P" is silent. You know, Mr PG Wodehouse. . .It is Tuesday, March 1st, 2011 today.
The book is completed now. It has 28 illustrations to compliment the terrain of the story. You may use the color poster type pictures from the site. Take a look at the pictures and you may find some of them entertaining with regards to smoking and all. Michael in Anacortes, Washington.
I have a grandson around Nat's age in this article and I got the book after reading this article, this book is one where a parent can read this book or early teenager read this book and learn all about not smoking. I recommend this book for everyone, lots of imagination and adventure even a talking dinosaur and aliens WOW.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.