Calvin Pstone

The Winner Is. . ."Cuts Off His Leg": the Depths of Nicotine Addiction



Posted: Thursday, May 12, 2011

by Calvin Pstone
No Smoking 101

In the adventure story, No Smoking 101, Calvin Pstone continues addressing his "Guests".  All have just eaten a superior lunch and so Calvin keeps it nice and easy to start. . .

"Welcome back from break-time my friends, I assume you have full tummies. I see smiles on your faces. Just a little more of me beating you up and we will all take in the scenery of this tremendous place. Inspirational here at sea, isn't it. The clean smell of salt air mixed with the sound of the seagulls. Aye mates, tis good here'."

"Speaking of being at sea, shipmates, here is a little tidbit for you from the Smoker's Book of World Records'."

"Of the many recorded comments people have said with regards to cigarette withdrawal, Alfred Hitchcock's 1944 Classic movie, LIFEBOAT' contains in its script, the number one rated statement. Here is the winning one liner, dying for a cigarette narrative, for over 70 years now. You no doubt have through the years heard, or yourself verbalized, variations of it."

"Their ship, torpedoed by a German Submarine, had 9 survivors that are adrift in a lifeboat. They have nothing. Actor William Bendix, had received a leg wound when the ship was attacked. Now, several days into everyone's demise, his leg is ravaged with gangrene. It must come off or he will die. A bottle of Brandy anesthetizes him and others cut off his leg with a jack knife. It was indeed a grueling scene and all.

"Everyone is amazed when he wakes up the next day, alive. They ask him how he feels and he says, In the pink. Outside of a little hangover right now, I'd give the other leg for a cigarette'."

"I'd give the other leg for a cigarette . . . what a classic. Only at sea, can world class Nicotine one-liners be born."

"Yes, although I doubt he would have actually done so, none the less his word picture, hacking his other leg off with the jack knife to trade for a cigarette, illustrates the magnitude of his withdrawal suffering. It is a perfect mind picture for all of us to ponder."

"This is the powerful engine we light the fuse to when we ignited our first cigarette. We will cut off a leg for a cigarette, every half hour, of every day, for the rest of our life. And we will pay a minimum of one to two hundred dollars a month to not feel so anxious that we would trade out body parts for a cigarette. I mean, walking a mile for a smoke is no problem."

"Smoking is so dangerously brain dead, you would think a young person, screaming at the top of their beautiful pink lungs, would run for their life if someone offered them a cigarette."

"Cigarette smoking, mentality, doesn't give you a leg to stand on. Pun intended."



and the adventure continues. Oh, oh. . .do I sense trouble ahead for Calvin and the others?

No Smoking 101. . .the book.
Michael Shone Sr has always had a “nack" for getting into real life unusual situations. Inspired by the personal touch of violence against women, he began to investigate, through college and on becoming a certified drug and alcohol counselor, his search for a weakness in the ease with which men assault women.

From his grab bag of experiences, coupled with a superior education, he found the “Achilles Heel" of violence. . .his target – Nicotine.

Naturally he wrote his book, “No Smoking 101" as a fantasy adventure.

Michael and his wife Kathy, live on Fidalgo Island, in Anacortes, Washington, gateway to the “Great San Juan Islands" and the “Inland Passage to Alaska". They build large scale model remote control tugboats for fun and their love of going down to the sea in their ship.

His book, http://www.nosmoking101.com and their tugboat, http://www.twotugboats.com
This Article has been viewed 377 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by Kathyleen
 1 year 6 days ago.
If this is what cigarette smoking is all about I am really glad I do not smoke but in all discussions this is a very good article. Thank you. That still means that I will never smoke in my lifetime.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.